Class of 1995 Giveaways Add Weight to Philosophy of Having Fun
By Christine Rowett

     The officers of the Class of 1995 want to be remembered. But
they must be taken with a great big grain of salt and suspended
disbelief.
     "It was on this day in 1836 that George Washington Carver
discovered hot chocolate," class secretary Dave Miller lied
recently.
     Miller and class representatives Brian Margolies and Peter
M. Dolkart spent a chilly morning in the breezeway between Ames
and Krieger halls on the Homewood campus earlier this month,
giving away Carver's supposed creation with a helping of cookies.
     "These cookies are free and the best thing about them is
they don't cost anything," Miller said during a Three
Stooges-inspired routine in the middle of the giveaway.
"Actually, I can't stomach these things."
     The philosophy behind giving away treats once a month is
simple. The seniors believe that injecting a bit of levity--and a
few superfluous calories--into a campus of hard-working, serious
students, will win their class recognition as one that can enjoy
life's lighter moments.
     "We want to make this class insane," Miller said.
     "Or at least tolerable," Margolies added.
     The first giveaway, held in September, was the result of an
election.
     "One of my campaign promises was that I'd give away a free
Popsicle to everyone on campus," said Miller, who admits only
that he is either pre-med, pre-law or a major in Writing
Seminars. "We gave away more than 2,000 pops."
     The giveaways cost the senior class between $100 and $120,
Miller said. 
     There is no additional charge for the jokes.
     Not all students, faculty and staff at Homewood have warmed
to the idea. Some intentionally avoid the sweets, and the
students as well.
     "People feel obligated," Dolkart said. "They think they'll
have to join a church or something."
     The giveaways are intentionally not announced, so they can
just happen. As such, the trio would not divulge December's true
plans.
     "We've rented a helicopter and we'll be throwing turkeys,"
Miller said.
     Dolkart, however, revealed one possible motivation behind
the free food.
     "We're hoping that by doing these free giveaways, people
will overlook the fact that we're not going to have a
commencement speaker," he fabricated.
     "We're trying to get Homer Simpson," Miller fibbed.